Big Tech Company Squashes Unionization Attempt by Unpaid Interns

San Francisco, CA — Today, Big Tech Company, the market-cornering disruptor of civic engagement, announced its decisive action against an ill-advised unionization drive by its intern workforce. The company firmly believes that unions are old-fashioned, rigid, and have no place in the modern tech landscape.

"Big Tech Company is one big family. Unionizing would only divide us and pit our esteemed executives against our precious interns," said Alec Foster, the company's founder and CEO. "In this hyperpatriotical Baptist family, we believe in decisive, authoritarian leadership that consistently delivers industry-disrupting results."

Big Tech Company asserts that the union organizing movement is not led by its low-wage interns but is instead a malicious project orchestrated by a secret cabal of competitors. To combat this outside force, the company will increase surveillance measures and implement mandatory captive audience meetings for all interns on a daily basis.

The company has been notified of a work stoppage organized by the intern workforce, but such insubordination will not be tolerated. Big Tech Company has swiftly engaged the Pinkerton union educational force and secured the expertise of Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz and former Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos to enlighten its intern team on the dangers and drawbacks of unionizing.

"Unions are not a mechanism for collective empowerment or democracy in US workplaces," said Foster. "We believe that our interns should focus on personal expression and growth, free from the exploitative and hierarchical constraints of union membership."

Big Tech Company stands committed to its core values of disruptive innovation, greed, and narcissism, and will continue to lead the industry in finding new ways to exploit every resource available for maximum profit and shareholder value.

About Big Tech Company

Big Tech Company is a Silicon Valley unicorn, disrupting civic engagement so that teams can 10x their innovative synergy. Founded in 2013 by visionary leader Caleb Green, the company prides itself on its ability to innovate innovation and revolutionize the tech landscape. For more information, visit

Press Contact: Chad McKaskle Head of Public Relations, Big Tech Company (555) 420-6969