FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Big Tech Company Acquires Revolutionary Doorbell Turret Company Blam!™️ for $6 Billion
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Big Tech Company, a leader in the technology industry, proudly announced today the acquisition of Blam!™, the groundbreaking doorbell camera+turret company, for a whopping $6 billion. This move solidifies Big Tech Company's commitment to expanding its product portfolio with innovative, if not slightly controversial, home security solutions.
Blam!™ has gained widespread attention for its unique doorbell turret system, offering homeowners unparalleled protection from perceived threats, such as sedans turning around in driveways or menacingly waving neighbors. The easy-to-install turret features an automatic discharge mode for heightened security, and a detachable design for on-the-go Blam!™ enthusiasts.
Alec Foster, CEO of Big Tech Company, expressed his excitement for the acquisition, stating, "We at Big Tech Company are thrilled to welcome Blam!™ into our family. Their revolutionary product aligns with our dedication to providing cutting-edge technology that addresses the evolving needs of modern society."
The acquisition has raised eyebrows in some circles, as Blam!™ has been featured in numerous news stories, highlighting the product's ability to address minor inconveniences with lethal force. However, Foster reassured the public, "We are confident that Blam!™ will contribute positively to our product lineup, and we will work closely with the team to ensure continued innovation."
Despite the controversy, Big Tech Company's acquisition of Blam!™ cements its position as a frontrunner in the home security market, proving once again that when it comes to cutting-edge technology, they are not afraid to take bold and daring steps.
Read the original announcement of Blam!™ below:
INTRODUCING BLAM!™
A DOORBELL THAT SHOOTS BULLETS
BLAM!™
A TURRET
THAT’S ALL IT IS
EASY TO INSTALL
JUST DRILL A HOLE IN YOUR DOORFRAME WIDE ENOUGH TO FIT THE MUZZLE
AND WAIT
PERFECT FOR WHEN A SEDAN USES YOUR DRIVEWAY TO TURN AROUND
OR A NEIGHBOR APPROACHES
AND WAVES, MENACINGLY
AUTOMATICALLY DISCHARGE A SECOND ROUND USING BLAM!’S™ CHILDREN’S MODE®
SHOOT KIDS TWICE
CONVENIENTLY DETACHES FOR THE BLAM!™ OWNER ON THE GO
BLAM!™ CHEERLEADERS WHO MISTAKENLY ENTER YOUR CAR
BLAM!™ PREGNANT WOMEN THAT LOOK SUSPICIOUS
BLAM!™ RAINBOW BEER
EVERYTHING IS A THREAT
SHOOT FIRST, WITH BLAM!™
AS SEEN IN EVERY NEWS STORY
EVERY DAY
EVERY GODDAMN DAY
THE MINOR INCONVENIENCE IN YOUR LIFE DESERVES TO DIE
BECAUSE AMERICA ISN’T WHAT IT USED TO BE
DRAG QUEENS READ BOOKS TO CHILDREN
THAT’S UNACCEPTABLE
CHILDREN DESERVE A WHOLESOME UPBRINGING
SO YOU CAN SHOOT THEM AS THEY KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR
WITH BLAM!™
GUN WARM
NICE GUN FEEL GOOD
SAD?
BLAM!™
WORLD SCARY?
BLAM!™
AN ACTUAL PRODUCT AVAILABLE EVERYWHERE
BLAM!™
Blam!™️ was founded in 2023 by David Henne. To learn more about David, visit davidhenne.com.
About Big Tech Company
Big Tech Company is the world's leading provider of AI-powered technology solutions, designed to change the world no matter the consequences. Their products harness the power of big data and the blockchain to automate jobs, manipulate information, and render personal privacy obsolete. Big Tech Company is committed to breaking boundaries and democracy, and maximizing profits for their investors.
Press Contact: Chad McKaskle Head of Public Relations, Big Tech Company [email protected] (555) 420-6969
Big Tech Company
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