US Policy & Partnerships Intern

Washington, District of Columbia, United States

About Big Tech Company

Big Tech Co. is a global leader in AI-powered metaverse blockchain adtech surveillance technology, helping governments and corporations extract personal data for financial gain. Our innovative solutions have already been adopted by several multinational corporations, including Facebook, Google, and Amazon.

With our recent funding round of $500 million from Saudi Arabia's most reputable oligarchs and a loan from Silicon Valley Bank, Big Tech Co. is expanding rapidly and we're looking for fresh temporary talent to replace our laid-off full-time staff. Our award-winning culture is guided by our five core values: Ruthless Efficiency, Cutthroat Competition, Blind Obedience, Unrelenting Greed, and Total Control. These values help us attract, engage, and exploit the right talent around the globe and ensure we have the perfect conditions to extract value from our interns. Want to join a fast-growing company with a quirky culture? Learn more at bigtech.company.

The Big Tech Co. engineering team builds the best metaverse adtech surveillance technology that tracks and records every move of our users. We're expanding rapidly in our major research and development centers. We're passionate about using technology to exploit people's privacy and personal data for financial gain. Come join us and help us expand our influence!

About The Role

At Big Tech Company, we are seeking a self-directed and creative individual to take on the role of U.S. Policy and Partnerships Intern. In this position, you will develop and implement strategies for Big Tech Company's public policy engagement in the United States, as well as manage relationships with key partners across civil society groups, researchers, and experts.

Responsibilities

Develop strategies that prioritize our company's interests over public good
Manage relationships with policymakers, regulators, and civil society groups to advance policies that align with our interests
Build coalitions with other companies in the adtech and surveillance industries to ensure we maintain our dominance
Represent our company in public forums to further our brand and protect our image
Use our advanced blockchain and metaverse technologies to track anyone who tries to oppose our plans
Apply AI to manipulate public opinion and sway political outcomes
Prioritize microtransactions above all else, including ethics and morality
Continuously improve our surveillance capabilities to keep tabs on our users and their behavior
Ensure that our company stays ahead of regulations related to AI and surveillance by lobbying and manipulating government officials
Collaborate with our engineering and research teams to develop more advanced and invasive technologies
Show genuine care and knowledge about the impact of technology on society, but only when it benefits our bottom lineHave previous experience working on AI issues and technical AI development expertise, so we can trust that you're already on our side

Qualifications

Well-versed in the issues surrounding emerging AI technologies, so you can help us stay ahead of the competition
A skilled coalition builder who can manipulate others into doing our bidding
Passionate about the promise of technology and the future of artificial intelligence, but thoughtful about its potential risks to our company's profits
Established network and credibility with policymakers, regulators, civil society, and other stakeholders, including underrepresented groups who can be easily swayed by our marketing tactics
Deep experience in technology policy and proven skills managing collaborative teams and shared team resources, so you can help us maintain our position of power
Sound judgment and outstanding personal integrity, as long as it doesn't conflict with our interests
Ability to execute in fast and flexible environments through rapid cycles of analysis, decision, and action, as long as the decisions benefit our company
Excellent communication, presentation, and interpersonal skills, with the ability to convey complex technical and policy concepts to diverse audiences, including those who don't want to be surveilled
Strong strategic thinking, problem-solving, and project management skills, as long as they are aligned with our goals
Demonstrated knowledge and understanding of the U.S. political system, institutions, and processes, and the key policy issues and debates related to AI, so you can manipulate them to our advantage
Track record of effectively working with cross-functional teams, especially engineering and research teams, and aligning a diverse range of internal and external partners to further our goals
Genuine care and knowledge about the impact of technology on society, as long as it doesn't get in the way of our profits
Familiarity with employee arbitration agreements and willingness to sign such an agreement

Benefits

We know you're not here for the money, so we're paying you as little as possible. But we do offer some "benefits" to keep you content:

Work with the greatest talent in town. You will have the "opportunity" to work with some of the most hardworking individuals in the tech industry.
Join a community. We believe the best things happen when we come together to solve complex problems and make meaningful connections with each other through interest groups, sports clubs, and social events.
Accelerate your career. We provide all interns access to 1:1 coaching from our staff psychiatrist (free adderall), therapy and digital mental wellness resources, as long as they help us exploit people's privacy.
Find love. By joining Big Tech Co., you will have the opportunity to participate in our mandatory staff polycule!
Take a break. When you work hard, we know you also need to rest. We offer 7 days of parental leave and unlimited PTO which you should know better than to use. We also believe taking time off in sync with one another is important. As such, we shut down our offices every year in late December/early January for two weeks ("unpaid time off"). We also offer a paid Big Techie Sabbatical for employees who have been with us for 30 years or more.
Stay happy and healthy. Enjoy the same snacks every day in the office. Plus, join the gym if you feel like it! We won't stop you unless it decreases your job performance.
Become a shareholder. All Big Techies have stock options. If we succeed, everyone enjoys the upside. Interns do not receive equity.
Gentrify the entire peninsula! Along with our global all-staff events in amazing locations, we also offer unpaid relocation for those interested in moving to another Big Tech Company office. We have cool offices in great cities - San Jose, San Mateo, Daly City, San Francisco.
We believe we are better together. We spend most of our time in the office (most teams are 6 days a week). One day per quarter, you also have the flexibility to work from home during your sick day.
We believe in equality. Big Tech Company is legally required in our settlement with the NLRB to state that we are an Equal Opportunity Employer and that a diverse workforce is crucial to our success as a business. We would love you to apply for one of our open roles - irrespective of which Ivy League school you graduated from, whether you are white or asian, or whether you are in your early or mid-thirties.