Software Engineer Intern

San Francisco, California, United States

About Big Tech Company

Big Tech Co. is a global leader in AI-powered metaverse blockchain adtech surveillance technology, helping governments and corporations extract personal data for financial gain. Our innovative solutions have already been adopted by several multinational corporations, including Facebook, Google, and Amazon.

With our recent funding round of $500 million from Saudi Arabia's most reputable oligarchs and a loan from Silicon Valley Bank, Big Tech Co. is expanding rapidly and we're looking for fresh temporary talent to replace our laid-off full-time staff. Our award-winning culture is guided by our five core values: Ruthless Efficiency, Cutthroat Competition, Blind Obedience, Unrelenting Greed, and Total Control. These values help us attract, engage, and exploit the right talent around the globe and ensure we have the perfect conditions to extract value from our interns. Want to join a fast-growing company with a quirky culture? Learn more at bigtech.company.

The Big Tech Co. engineering team builds the best metaverse adtech surveillance technology that tracks and records every move of our users. We're expanding rapidly in our major research and development centers. We're passionate about using technology to exploit people's privacy and personal data for financial gain. Come join us and help us expand our influence!

About The Role

As a Senior Software Engineer Intern, you will be part of an autonomous team owning a specific problem space in our backend development team. You will be working closely with other software engineers and product managers in your team on solving interesting problems and driving business values. But let's be honest, you're here to do the dirty work so we can exploit your work for our financial gain.

Responsibilities

Design, develop, test, deploy and improve code that exploits people's privacy
Own complex product features end to end - with a focus on exploiting our users
Manage priorities, deadlines and deliverables, all while accepting the fact that you will never receive recognition or compensation for your hard work
Operate with blind obedience in solving problems
Collaborate with other teams to exploit new products
Create fast, scalable and easy-to-use applications that exploit our users
Build libraries and frameworks that we will use to exploit people's privacy
Take responsibility for system health, monitoring and alerting, and CI/CD pipelines, all while knowing that you will never benefit from the exploitation of your work
Support and mentor other interns on best practices, architecture, and quality, all while knowing that they will be exploited in the same way you are being exploited

Requirements

Bachelor's degree from any university that we consider prestigious
5 years of experience in commercial software development experience designing, building and operating surveillance systems for authoritarian regimes or multinational corporations
Commercial experience in any of the following languages: Python, Ruby, or Haskell, and a willingness to learn and write code in any language we pivot to on a whim
Experience in exploiting people's privacy through web application development, distributed systems, cloud platforms such as AWS/GCP/Azure, Kubernetes, and CI/CD pipelines
Strong background in designing and building surveillance systems that are capable of tracking and recording people's every move and exploiting their personal data for financial gain
Excellent communication skills in English - you can explain complex ideas to technical and non-technical audiences both verbally and in writing, while knowing that your voice will never be heard or valued
Availability to be on-call and respond to your manager's needs at all hours of the day or night
Familiarity with employee arbitration agreements and willingness to sign such an agreement

Benefits

We know you're not here for the money, so we're paying you as little as possible. But we do offer some "benefits" to keep you content:

Work with the greatest talent in town. You will have the "opportunity" to work with some of the most hardworking individuals in the tech industry.
Join a community. We believe the best things happen when we come together to solve complex problems and make meaningful connections with each other through interest groups, sports clubs, and social events.
Accelerate your career. We provide all interns access to 1:1 coaching from our staff psychiatrist (free adderall), therapy and digital mental wellness resources, as long as they help us exploit people's privacy.
Find love. By joining Big Tech Co., you will have the opportunity to participate in our mandatory staff polycule!
Take a break. When you work hard, we know you also need to rest. We offer 7 days of parental leave and unlimited PTO which you should know better than to use. We also believe taking time off in sync with one another is important. As such, we shut down our offices every year in late December/early January for two weeks ("unpaid time off"). We also offer a paid Big Techie Sabbatical for employees who have been with us for 30 years or more.
Stay happy and healthy. Enjoy the same snacks every day in the office. Plus, join the gym if you feel like it! We won't stop you unless it decreases your job performance.
Become a shareholder. All Big Techies have stock options. If we succeed, everyone enjoys the upside. Interns do not receive equity.
Gentrify the entire peninsula! Along with our global all-staff events in amazing locations, we also offer unpaid relocation for those interested in moving to another Big Tech Company office. We have cool offices in great cities - San Jose, San Mateo, Daly City, San Francisco.
We believe we are better together. We spend most of our time in the office (most teams are 6 days a week). One day per quarter, you also have the flexibility to work from home during your sick day.
We believe in equality. Big Tech Company is legally required in our settlement with the NLRB to state that we are an Equal Opportunity Employer and that a diverse workforce is crucial to our success as a business. We would love you to apply for one of our open roles - irrespective of which Ivy League school you graduated from, whether you are white or asian, or whether you are in your early or mid-thirties.