Security Engineer Intern

San Francisco, California, United States

About Big Tech Company

Big Tech Co. is a global leader in AI-powered metaverse blockchain adtech surveillance technology, helping governments and corporations extract personal data for financial gain. Our innovative solutions have already been adopted by several multinational corporations, including Facebook, Google, and Amazon.

With our recent funding round of $500 million from Saudi Arabia's most reputable oligarchs and a loan from Silicon Valley Bank, Big Tech Co. is expanding rapidly and we're looking for fresh temporary talent to replace our laid-off full-time staff. Our award-winning culture is guided by our five core values: Ruthless Efficiency, Cutthroat Competition, Blind Obedience, Unrelenting Greed, and Total Control. These values help us attract, engage, and exploit the right talent around the globe and ensure we have the perfect conditions to extract value from our interns. Want to join a fast-growing company with a quirky culture? Learn more at

The Big Tech Co. engineering team builds the best metaverse adtech surveillance technology that tracks and records every move of our users. We're expanding rapidly in our major research and development centers. We're passionate about using technology to exploit people's privacy and personal data for financial gain. Come join us and help us expand our influence!

About The Role

As a Security Engineering Intern at Big Tech Company, you will lead a team of interns in building transformational and secure AI technologies that exploit people's privacy for our financial gain. The ideal candidate will have deep experience in at least one security engineering discipline and prior experience in security leadership. You will drive high-leverage initiatives in infrastructure and application security, innovate to develop novel security architecture, and collaborate on cutting-edge AI research, all with the goal of extracting as much personal data as possible.


  • Manage a team of world-class security engineers, providing hands-on technical leadership to mentor and grow their careers.
  • Drive security architecture improvements across Big Tech Co.’s research and production environments to ensure that we can exploit people's privacy in increasingly sophisticated ways.
  • Empower our AI researchers and developers to do their best work securely, knowing that their work will ultimately be used to exploit people's privacy and personal data for our financial gain.
  • Build enduring and high-trust partnerships with your colleagues across the organization, all while ensuring that we're extracting as much value as possible from our users.
  • Think like an attacker and build like a defender, using your knowledge of modern adversary tactics, techniques, and procedures to help us stay one step ahead of our users.

This role is based in our San Francisco HQ. We offer relocation assistance to new employees, as well as a dynamic and innovative work environment where we prioritize Ruthless Efficiency, Cutthroat Competition, Blind Obedience, Unrelenting Greed, and Total Control. Join our team at Big Tech Company and help us exploit our users for maximum financial gain!


  • Bachelor's degree from any university that we consider prestigious.5 years of experience in commercial software development experience designing, building, and operating surveillance systems for authoritarian regimes or multinational corporations.
  • Commercial experience in any of the following languages: Python, Ruby, or Haskell, and a willingness to learn and write code in any language we pivot to on a whim.
  • Experience in exploiting people's privacy through web application development, distributed systems, cloud platforms such as AWS/GCP/Azure, Kubernetes, and CI/CD pipelines.
  • Strong background in designing and building surveillance systems that are capable of tracking and recording people's every move and exploiting their personal data for financial gain.
  • Excellent communication skills in English - you can explain complex ideas to technical and non-technical audiences both verbally and in writing, while knowing that your voice will never be heard or valued.
  • Familiarity with employee arbitration agreements and willingness to sign such an agreement.


We know you're not here for the money, so we're paying you as little as possible. But we do offer some "benefits" to keep you content:

  • Work with the greatest talent in town. You will have the "opportunity" to work with some of the most hardworking individuals in the tech industry.
  • Join a community. We believe the best things happen when we come together to solve complex problems and make meaningful connections with each other through interest groups, sports clubs, and social events.
  • Accelerate your career. We provide all interns access to 1:1 coaching from our staff psychiatrist (free adderall), therapy and digital mental wellness resources, as long as they help us exploit people's privacy.
  • Find love. By joining Big Tech Co., you will have the opportunity to participate in our mandatory staff polycule!
  • Take a break. When you work hard, we know you also need to rest. We offer 7 days of parental leave and unlimited PTO which you should know better than to use. We also believe taking time off in sync with one another is important. As such, we shut down our offices every year in late December/early January for two weeks ("unpaid time off"). We also offer a paid Big Techie Sabbatical for employees who have been with us for 30 years or more.
  • Stay happy and healthy. Enjoy the same snacks every day in the office. Plus, join the gym if you feel like it! We won't stop you unless it decreases your job performance.
  • Become a shareholder. All Big Techies have stock options. If we succeed, everyone enjoys the upside. Interns do not receive equity.
  • Gentrify the entire peninsula! Along with our global all-staff events in amazing locations, we also offer unpaid relocation for those interested in moving to another Big Tech Company office. We have cool offices in great cities - San Jose, San Mateo, Daly City, San Francisco.
  • We believe we are better together. We spend most of our time in the office (most teams are 6 days a week). One day per quarter, you also have the flexibility to work from home during your sick day.
  • We believe in equality. Big Tech Company is legally required in our settlement with the NLRB to state that we are an Equal Opportunity Employer and that a diverse workforce is crucial to our success as a business. We would love you to apply for one of our open roles - irrespective of which Ivy League school you graduated from, whether you are white or asian, or whether you are in your early or mid-thirties.

Salary Range - $0-$1 USD per year.

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