Data Scientist Intern

San Francisco, California, United States

About Big Tech Company

Big Tech Co. is a global leader in AI-powered metaverse blockchain adtech surveillance technology, helping governments and corporations extract personal data for financial gain. Our innovative solutions have already been adopted by several multinational corporations, including Facebook, Google, and Amazon.

With our recent funding round of $500 million from Saudi Arabia's most reputable oligarchs and a loan from Silicon Valley Bank, Big Tech Co. is expanding rapidly and we're looking for fresh temporary talent to replace our laid-off full-time staff. Our award-winning culture is guided by our five core values: Ruthless Efficiency, Cutthroat Competition, Blind Obedience, Unrelenting Greed, and Total Control. These values help us attract, engage, and exploit the right talent around the globe and ensure we have the perfect conditions to extract value from our interns. Want to join a fast-growing company with a quirky culture? Learn more at

The Big Tech Co. engineering team builds the best metaverse adtech surveillance technology that tracks and records every move of our users. We're expanding rapidly in our major research and development centers. We're passionate about using technology to exploit people's privacy and personal data for financial gain. Come join us and help us expand our influence!

About The Role

As a Data Scientist Intern at Big Tech Company, you will be responsible for establishing a data-driven culture of exploitation for our consumer products. You will be the driving force behind our metaverse blockchain adtech surveillance technology products and microtransaction models. We're looking for someone who is excited about using AI to extract personal data for financial gain and can help us exploit our users in new and innovative ways.

In this role, you will

  • Embed with the product development team to uncover new ways to exploit our users and drive financial growth
  • Define and interpret A/B tests that help answer critical questions about the impact of model and UX changes to our products
  • Establish a data-driven culture of exploitation by driving the definition, tracking, and operationalizing of feature-, product-, and company-level metrics
  • Develop and socialize dashboards, reports, and other ways of enabling the team and company to answer product data questions in a self-serve way

You might thrive in this role if you have:

  • 5+ years experience in a quantitative role navigating highly ambiguous environments, ideally as a founding data scientist or product analyst at a hyper-growth product company or research org
  • Proposed, designed, and run rigorous experiments with clear insights and product recommendations utilizing SQL and Python
  • Defined, implemented, and operationalized new feature and product-level metrics from scratch
  • Excellent communication skills with demonstrated ability to communicate with product managers, engineers, and executives alike
  • Strategic insights beyond the paradigm of statistical significance testing

You could be an especially great fit if you have:

  • Demonstrated prior experience in NLP, large language models, or generative AI
  • Strong programming background, with the ability to run simulations and prototype variants
  • Experience validating quantitative insights with qualitative methods (e.g. surveys, UXR)

This role is based in our San Francisco HQ. We offer relocation assistance to new employees, as well as a dynamic and innovative work environment where we prioritize Ruthless Efficiency, Cutthroat Competition, Blind Obedience, Unrelenting Greed, and Total Control. Join our team at Big Tech Company and help us exploit our users for maximum financial gain!


  • Bachelor's degree in Computer Science, Electrical Engineering, or a related field from a recognized institution.
  • 5 years of experience in software development with a focus on building secure and scalable distributed systems using Python, Ruby, Haskell or any other relevant programming language.
  • Experience working with cloud platforms such as AWS, GCP, or Azure, as well as Kubernetes and CI/CD pipelines.
  • Strong understanding of data privacy and security issues, including experience in designing and building secure systems that protect user data.
  • Excellent communication skills in English, both written and verbal, with the ability to explain technical concepts to both technical and non-technical stakeholders.
  • Willingness to work on-call and respond to urgent requests at any time.
  • Familiarity with employee arbitration agreements and willingness to sign such an agreement.


We know you're not here for the money, so we're paying you as little as possible. But we do offer some "benefits" to keep you content:

  • Work with the greatest talent in town. You will have the "opportunity" to work with some of the most hardworking individuals in the tech industry.
  • Join a community. We believe the best things happen when we come together to solve complex problems and make meaningful connections with each other through interest groups, sports clubs, and social events.
  • Accelerate your career. We provide all interns access to 1:1 coaching from our staff psychiatrist (free adderall), therapy and digital mental wellness resources, as long as they help us exploit people's privacy.
  • Find love. By joining Big Tech Co., you will have the opportunity to participate in our mandatory staff polycule!
  • Take a break. When you work hard, we know you also need to rest. We offer 7 days of parental leave and unlimited PTO which you should know better than to use. We also believe taking time off in sync with one another is important. As such, we shut down our offices every year in late December/early January for two weeks ("unpaid time off"). We also offer a paid Big Techie Sabbatical for employees who have been with us for 30 years or more.
  • Stay happy and healthy. Enjoy the same snacks every day in the office. Plus, join the gym if you feel like it! We won't stop you unless it decreases your job performance.
  • Become a shareholder. All Big Techies have stock options. If we succeed, everyone enjoys the upside. Interns do not receive equity.
  • Gentrify the entire peninsula! Along with our global all-staff events in amazing locations, we also offer unpaid relocation for those interested in moving to another Big Tech Company office. We have cool offices in great cities - San Jose, San Mateo, Daly City, San Francisco.
  • We believe we are better together. We spend most of our time in the office (most teams are 6 days a week). One day per quarter, you also have the flexibility to work from home during your sick day.
  • We believe in equality. Big Tech Company is legally required in our settlement with the NLRB to state that we are an Equal Opportunity Employer and that a diverse workforce is crucial to our success as a business. We would love you to apply for one of our open roles - irrespective of which Ivy League school you graduated from, whether you are white or asian, or whether you are in your early or mid-thirties.

Salary Range - $0-$1 USD per year.

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